This might be it for the Wachowskis.
Jupiter Ascending makes their career descent complete. The former wunderkinds have produced not one hit in over a decade with a constant output of bad movies that cost hundreds of millions and fail.
Fail to make money. Fail to entertain the masses. And while speaking to the masses is not the duty of all cinema, action/adventure movies of this scope had better be accessible or you’ll be out of business.
Who do the Wachowskis make their movies for?
Andy and Lana gave us two very good films early in their career with Bound and The Matrix. These were movies that kept in mind what the audience would want to see and delivered smart, thrilling entertainment. Then The Matrix made some money and they were given creative control and instead of delivering on the promise of the original they made two dense, nearly indecipherable sequels that recouped their investment in spite of quality of the product. Hundreds of millions made on name recognition alone but they were disappointing films that squandered the opportunity.
With the exception of portions of Cloud Atlas[which they did not make alone], the Wachowskis have made a name for themselves making poorly told epics that dazzle the eye and numb the soul. Jupiter Ascending is the horrid epitome of their brand. A vivid world populated with 2 dimensional characters telling us a convoluted story that wants so very much to be challenging and complicated. Dig a little and you will find that plot is really just silly.
It could be said that this is their attempt to make a modern Star Wars with the essential components of a Space Opera and creatures from a vast array of galaxies populating the computer generated background. But the movie is executed more with the ham-fisted surety of Dune with no source material to read prior to keep the confusion at a lull.
Mila Kunis is miscast as Jupiter Jones, a woman who is destined for greatness even though she spends her days awkwardly cleaning the toilets of the rich. Miss Kunis is good at being Miss Kunis and can’t really convey the appearance of being another person. Some would call that acting or what have you but regardless of your definition, she is not good at it.
And poor Channing Tatum. They took the good looking fella and glued enough crap on his face to make him look like the good looking cousin of a leprechaun. He does the best he can but just looks stupid air-roller blading around the sky with his magic shoes. Eddie Redmayne, who has impressed so very many with his Stephen Hawking portrayal in The Theory of Everything gives an embarrassingly bad performance as Mumbles the bad guy. What menacing things Mumbles threatens our misplaced heroes with is impossible to know as he barely eeks out each line with energy that is reminiscent of someone who took too many Xanax.
I’m not trying to devolve this review into a catty list of quips but there really is nothing to tout here. I guess the movie is pretty with a meticulous production design that only serves to amplify how bad rest of the film is in comparison.
Jupiter Ascending will find a very small audience for those that love any and everything sci-fi. It will be a crowd that makes it to the midnight show on Thursday and then goes back to their lairs to argue about it on the internet. After that minor rush, the seats will be empty and the Wachowskis better learn how to tell much smaller stories.